Not a man today who can take me away…

Posted on June 5, 2012 by Angela

This morning, I sang along to Mary Well’s song “My Guy” while doing laundry. The lyrics go something like this:

Nothing you could say
Can tear me away from my guy
Nothing you could do
‘Cause I’m stuck like glue to my guy

There’s not a man today
Who can take me away
From my guy.

As I thought about these lyrics, I wondered about how true they were. Could I be tempted away from my hubby by a handsome face, buffer body, riches, power, former flame, etc? I had a hard time definitively saying no, which unsettled my thoughts a little.

As I really delved into the question, I realized that there are so many incredible people in the world who I could have a phenomenal relationship with if given the opportunity. My husband is certainly among them. But the difference between all of them and my husband is that I have built a life with my man. We’ve spent countless hours dreaming, scheming, supporting, laughing, crying, mourning, celebrating, pushing, working, cooking, exploring, and loving over the last decade of marriage and 1/2 a decade of friendship/engagement before that. We’ve made two children who are shaping up to be incredible people in their own rights,, accomplished educational degrees, gained professional successes, established personal friendships, built family relationships, and created so many memories that range the spectrum of emotions. My man is an amazing person, but more than that, he’s the person I have chosen to build my life around, on, and with.

So though Ms. Wells addresses the type of person who could probably tempt me, mystery man cannot compete with the life and history I’ve co-constructed with my man.

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Beauty

Posted on April 28, 2012 by Angela

Maybe beauty isn’t being super-model thin with perfect bone structure and flawless skin. Maybe beauty isn’t wearing the most fashionable clothing with finely pressed garments.
Maybe beauty isn’t flaunting a bikini, mini-skirt, or tight clothing.
Maybe beauty isn’t showing all your assets to whoever may be looking.
Maybe beauty isn’t conquering the hearts/desires of all the men around you.
Maybe beauty isn’t making others jealous or feel insecure.
Maybe beauty isn’t what our society pushes on is.

Maybe beauty is being strong and conquering challenges.
Maybe beauty is feeling confident and moving forward.
Maybe beauty is owning your decisions and actions.
Maybe beauty is building up the people around you.
Maybe beauty is succeeding at your goals.
Maybe beauty is striving to improve.
Maybe beauty is engaging people and caring about their lives and needs.
Maybe beauty is radiating your inner light and letting others do the same.
Maybe beauty is being the best you you can be.

Maybe I’ve been beautiful all along, and am just now discovering that about myself as I conquer difficult goals, increase my strength, work to build up others, and strive to improve who I am so I can be a better me.

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The Dos and Don’ts of Power Struggles

Posted on March 14, 2012 by Angela

I found this on Dr. Laura’s blog. It’s by Bonnie Harris, and is absolutely spot on. My almost five year old does push my buttons, and if I’m not being an engaged and compassionate parent, we butt heads and one or both of us ends up in tears. However, when I take just a few minutes to set my own frustrations aside and focus on hers, we successfully navigate her emotions and strengthen our relationship. Taking just a couple of moments and choosing to be kind pays long-run dividends in our mutual happiness and the peace in our home. Enjoy!

By Bonnie Harris
www.bonnieharris.com

When my daughter Molly was five, I was exhausted. I couldn’t see a way out of our daily power struggles. She was pushing all my buttons and I was reacting with hostility. But it was the mental notes playing in my head that got me the most. I was worried we would fight always. Fortunately I was wrong.

One morning, the same whiny, angry face with its protruding bottom lip approached-but something was different. Every other morning when I saw this face, I thought to myself, “She’s out to get me.” This particular morning I thought, “Wait a minute, she’s not out to get me. She’s miserable.” Suddenly I saw her differently. Instead of a resistant, defiant-okay I’ll say it-brat, I saw a very upset little girl who didn’t want to separate from me. I was battling her and she was anticipating the battle. It was all she could do to get me to understand her, and I wasn’t cooperating.

My shift in perception-she wasn’t being a problem, she was having a problem-changed our relationship. Yes, forever. My emotions switched from anger to compassion. Once I got there, I didn’t have to fight her anymore.

A power struggle is a fight to the finish when you and your child are both out to win. If you win, your child must lose. It’s your fear that fuels your need to win. Your child becomes defiant, and you’re afraid you’re a terrible parent and your child will become a terrible person. When that power struggle begins, you do have a choice even though you feel trapped. You can fight back or not. There is no power struggle if you choose not to engage. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

Let’s start with the Don’ts:

* Don’t try to reason with an upset child. Rational thought is impossible when the system is stressed.
* Don’t resist in response to resistance.
* Don’t punish, threaten or coerce.
* Don’t give in or try to fix it. If you feel responsible for your child’s feelings, you will try to make him happy (which is not within your power), you will inevitably lose, and then you’ll feel like a failure.
* Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. Your child is expressing upset in the only way he knows how right now.
* Don’t ask questions.
* Don’t worry. Easier said than done, but this too will pass and soon you won’t remember what it was about.

Here’s what you can Do instead:

* Detach. This is your child’s problem, not yours (until you make it yours).
* Observe and listen. Allow child’s feelings to come out until they dissipate.
* Maintain a “holding” attitude. See the hurt she is feeling and empathize.
* Do hold her as soon as she will let you.
* Acknowledge her feelings and intention. “You really don’t want to go to school today. I bet you wish you could stay home and play with me.”
* Give in fantasy what she can’t have in reality. “Wouldn’t it be fun if you had a magic wand. What would be the first thing you would change?”
* Find a way to honor desires. “How do you think you could make that happen?”
* Offer a choice. “Do you want to put your clothes on or would you like me to today?”
* Be an intentional parent. Plan, anticipate, give warnings, set predictable expectations and be firm and clear with limits.

When your child feels accepted for his desires, he is more likely to cooperate when he can’t have what he wants. His resistance is merely telling you that he doesn’t like being pushed around. Some children are more sensitive to that than others. Don’t try to change him but do let him know that you understand even when he has to do it your way.

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Be Generous With Yourself

Posted on February 14, 2012 by Angela

While doing Yoga this morning, the Yogi said, “We’ll be in this pose for a while, so be generous with yourself.” That statement, Be Generous With Yourself, struck a deep chord in my heart today because so often I hold myself to much higher standards and expectations than I impose on anyone else, and this morning was no exception.

As part of my personal goals for 2012, my daily routine includes 90 minutes of exercise on top of living an active lifestyle. Exercise includes aerobic activity, strength training, and stretching, so my definition of what qualifies is fairly broad. Yesterday, I had an intense day for activity starting with 45 minutes on the elliptical and then an awesome date with my Kettlebell (my new favorite toy) and Bob Harper’s Kettlebell Cardio Shred and continuing with lots of shopping, house cleaning, and other on my feet activity.

So, needless to say, I was pretty exhausted this morning with some sore muscles. Regardless, I wanted to keep my momentum up and tried to wake up extra early to get in a kickboxing session (I love all things Billy Blanks and modify his workouts to be on a kickboxing bag) before my friend came over for our A.M. Yoga. I did not succeed. I spent the entire hour and a half hitting my snooze button and rationalizing why I needed to stay in bed instead of pursuing my goals. By the time I got up and my workout buddy arrived, I was mentally abusing myself for wasting time, being lazy, and having no self-discipline/control. I called myself names like fat-so, and provided no route for personal forgiveness and withheld all sense of charity. I totally spiraled out until the Yogi said, “Be Generous With Yourself.”

How would our happiness levels change if we were more generous with ourselves? More kind? More willing to see the best in who we are? More willing to see ourselves in a positive light?

I stopped dead in my tracks. Be generous with yourself. I am generous with my family, my friends, even complete strangers. I give them the benefit of the doubt. I strive to see the best in them. I forgive them when they make mistakes. I offer encouraging words. I try to help them through difficulties. I try to be kind. I work hard to view them in a

positive light and help them build who they are. Mostly I am generous with them because of who I am, not necessarily because of who they are. Yet, I fail to extend this same generosity to myself. “Be generous with yourself.”

Being generous with oneself means that we value ourselves enough to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, strive to see the best in ourselves (even though we can see absolutely everything–including the very good, very bad, and very ugly), forgive ourselves for mistakes, offer ourselves encouraging words, try to help ourselves, be kind to ourselves, see ourselves in a positive light, and strive to build who we are. These things are all generous measures. How would our happiness levels change if we were truly generous with ourselves? How would the world change? How are you generous with yourself?

 

 

Posted in Exercise & Active Living, Health & Fitness, Personal Development, Self-Improvement | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fulfilling Our Purpose

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Angela

How much better would our lives be of we lived them as consistently and unwaveringly as these beautiful trees that provide life, habitat, and beauty to our world?

I believe that God created the planet, stars, moon, trees, water, air, animals, etc. with the express objective that they may “fulfill the measure of their creation.” That being said, I’ve been sprawled out on my back on a bench admiring the beauty of the curving branches, straight soft needles, and rough bark of a Redwood Tree in California. I asked myself: what is the purpose or the measure of this tree’s creation that it is expected to fulfill? At first, my answers skimmed the surface of egocentricity. Its purpose is to provide shade for my body, beauty for my eyes, and wood for my furnishings and needs. Then I realized that it provides a home for birds, food for the rambunctious squirrels, and a community for ants and other insects. Then I thought about how it’s part of a bigger ecosystem. The tree is responsible for converting CO2 to oxygen through its complex Krebs Cycle and photosynthetic process. And, the tree is just one lone player in a vast network of interactions that make up our biosphere, which is the massive jigsaw puzzle that is our world and sustains ALL life on our planet.

The most interesting realization I had while contemplating this magnificent tree is that on the surface, the tree does nothing. It simply exists. Yet through its existence, the tree does everything I thought of and more. Its very act of surviving the elements and progressing in its own slow and steady growth cycles leads to a cleaner, more beautiful earth. What a simplistic treasure trove of implications. It benefits the world by simply existing and fulfilling the measure of its creation.

When applied to us as humans, what is the measure of our creation we’re expected to fulfill? What benefits do we give the world around us by simply living our lives? We have higher thinking skills and potentially a greater impact than the tree, but are we as firmly rooted in our purpose? Are we as stalwart and consistent in fulfilling the measure of our creation? Are we so tireless and unwavering in weathering the elements of this stormy world? Do we so freely give of our substance, resources, and beauty? Do we so tirelessly provide for the creatures who live around us? Are we so willing to exist?

Discovering and fulfilling our purpose is perhaps one of the biggest quests of mankind. Some define this quest in terms of productivity, happiness, wealth, care giving, becoming like God, living the good life, or even social responsibility. I don’t know that there is a definitive, universal answer. Personally, I believe that man is that he may have joy. And, I believe that our joy gives others joy, which further compounds our joy. Interestingly, even though I seek joy, I am not as consistent as the tree in my existence. I do things that diminish it. I make poor decisions. I thwart relationships. I dramatize minor happenings. I do not consistently seek joy or willingly give it to others. How would my life (and the lives of those around me) differ if I were more like the tree in my existence by efficiently and consistently fulfilling the measure of my creation? Would I be joyous at all times? Would I such behavior change me? Would it change the world?

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Effort and Personal Delusion

Posted on January 17, 2012 by Angela

I am the queen of justifying away my bad behavior. I create all kinds of fantasy worlds that give me permission to eat a dozen chocolate chip cookies or skip my morning workout or yell at my children. My internal dialogue frequently sounds something like this: “I exercised really hard this morning, THEREFORE I can eat a few extra cookies or double my serving of spaghetti and meatballs.” “I went to bed really late last night and sleep is just as important to health as exercise, THEREFORE I can sleep it and skip my workout.” “My children are driving me batty by not listening or obeying. I am the parent, THEREFORE I have every right to yell at them, spank their bums, and otherwise punish them.”

Do any of these sound familiar? I’m hanging my head with pangs of guilt as I write this. As I begin week 3 of my Prosperity Project, I am amazed at how holding myself accountable for my actions, maintaining a record of how consistent (or “in-” as the case may be) I actually am from week to week, and truly putting forth a daily effort to overcome my laziness has already changed my internal dialogue. I’m starting to say things like, “IF I want that extra cookie tonight, I need to cut out a carb and fat from my dietary intake today.” “IF I want to reach my fitness goals, I better go to bed earlier so I get the sleep I need AND my morning workout.” “IF I expect my children to behave appropriately, I must model such behavior.” My current thoughts focus on cause and effect and personal responsibility. My previous thoughts focused on excuses that stemmed from personal delusion.

I’ve missed many opportunities to be actively engaged in my life. When I excuse my actions, refuse to see what I’m really doing, or choose to live in the fantasy world I’ve created for myself, I rob myself of valuable relationships with others, healthier alternatives, and opportunities to change. Whether my fabricated world of delusion is a result of hiding my head in the sand, embarrassment, fear, anger, self-righteousness, or just plain laziness, it is destructive behavior that impedes my personal development.

Real, honest personal development requires daily, consistent effort. If we’re seeking to develop our financial savvy and situation, we must study financial vehicles, employ self-discipline in spending, or work harder to increase our incomes. If we’re seeking to firm up our body, lose weight, or be healthier, we must take the time and exert the energy to exercise every day, we must increase our knowledge about nutrition and make healthier food choices, and we must find ways to sustain our effort a lifetime. We cannot live in our personal delusions and expect to change. We must hold ourselves accountable and find ways to face and live in the reality of our situation, make the best of what life has offered us, and ACT each and every day. Sometimes, we must even act each and every minute. It’s hard. It’s tiring. It can be frustrating. But putting forth a sustained effort in real life situations will bring change.

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Morning Muffins

Posted on January 13, 2012 by Angela

I got an awesome little machine for Christmas from my mom that I’ve been playing with the last few days. Last night I used my Ninja to make homemade salsa, guacamole, refried beans, and strawberry smoothies. Yum! (Don’t worry, this isn’t a sales pitch, just the intro to today’s post.)

Morning Muffins pack an impressive punch of healthy grains, nuts, fruits, and veggies for a quick and healthy breakfast or snack. My family devours them. In fact, I neglected to snap a pic before they were mostly gobbles, so this image is courtesy of Land o'Lakes' website.

Anyway, this morning I used my new Ninja Master Prep to dice up the carrots and apples for my favorite breakfast muffins of all time–a recipe I got from a dear friend when she shared them with our bowling league one morning. I’ve since modified a few things to make these healthy gems even healthier. They are delightful!

Preheat oven to 375 and prep 18 cups on a muffin tin with non-stick spray.

In a large bowl, combine:

  • 1 C White flour
  • 1 C Whole Wheat flour (instead of a hybrid of white and wheat, you could probably do both cups as wheat flour. I just prefer a little lighter taste.)
  • 1/2 C Sugar (white or brown or honey)
  • 1 T Cinnamon
  • 2 t Baking Powder
  • 1/2 t Baking Soda
  • 1/2 t Salt

Add to mixture:

  • 2 C Chopped Carrots (~ 3 large)
  • 1.5 C Chopped Apple or Pears or Bananas (2 medium)
  • 2 Eggs
  • 1 C Applesauce or Pearsauce
  • 1/3 C Oil

Stir well with a large spoon. Then, add in any or all of the following to match your preferences for taste and texture:

  • 1/2 C C Chopped Nuts
  • 1/2 C Quick Oats
  • 1/2 C Craisens
  • 1/2 C Coconut
  • 2-3 T flax seeds
  • Wheat Germ
  • Bran Flakes

Bake for 20 – 25 minutes until tops are springy.

This is an amazingly forgiving recipe. I usually eyeball most of the ingredients and add in whatever fruits/veggies/mix-ins I have on hand including spinach, chocolate chips, zucchini, etc. I’m always amazed at how filling and healthy it is. I get in one or two 1/2 C

servings of veggies while feeling like I’m indulging in high-fat muffins. YUMMY!!!

Posted in Health & Fitness, Nutrition | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Measuring Personal Change Efforts

Posted on January 11, 2012 by Angela

I am a huge proponent of the business adage: “You get what you measure.”

In the business world, the adage "You get what you measure" is used in reference to surveys, project results, ROIs, etc. In my world at home with kids, I find myself much more capable of acheiving my goals through measuring my progress.

I use this concept to evaluate my spending habits, my eating habits, my time management habits, etc. Measuring what I am actually doing versus what I assume I’m doing (which is shockingly inaccurate when I consider the fact that I’M the one actually doing these things), tends to be a very revealing process that not only helps me evaluate where I am in relation to where I want to be, but also helps me see what I need to improve to get there. The best blog I’ve read about how to do this and why is on thinksimplenow.com. It’s definitely worth the read.

For an example of measuring personal change efforts, I recently (thank you New Year’s Resolutions!) a hardcore program of self-development after reading an admonition from the leader of my church that encouraged us to “undertake a personal, diligent, significant quest for what I call the abundant life—a life filled with an abundance of success, goodness, and blessings.”

My “personal, diligent, [and] significant quest” is called The Prosperity Project. The specifics of my goals can be seen in this Sample Prosperity Project Tracking Sheet. Essentially, I’m seeking to be very diligent about the choices I make in any given day about my personal health and well being in all aspects of my life for an entire year. To do this, I created the tracking sheet (linked to above) and created an awesome binder to house my progress. So far I’m on day 11 or 365 and succeeding wildly.

What kinds of things do you measure when it comes to personal change?

Posted in Budgeting, Education, Exercise & Active Living, Household Management, Motivation, Nutrition, Self-Improvement, Work-Life Balance | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Healthy Meatloaf & Onion Rings Dinner

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Angela

Yummy healthy onion rings and meatloaf. For under 400 calories, this meal was a huge hit in my house--even with my kids and carnivorous husband

Part of my personal project for 2012 is to eat within the dietary guidelines of the USDA’s MyPlate (formally the Food Guide Pyramid). In a nutshell, for me anyway, this means I need to eat more fruits and veggies and less fat. So, I’m working on revamping my favorite foods. Today’s revamp: meatloaf and onion rings. And, yes…I love this combination for a family dinner. You can see why I need to lighten things up a little. :)

For the onion rings, I followed this amazing baked rings recipe from Food.com. Though they weren’t as crispy as deep-fried onion rings, they were so much lighter and incredibly flavorful. In fact, they were so flavorful that I hardly used any ketchup. GASP! I am a ketchup fanatic, so using only a little bit of ketchup is a huge compliment to

any recipe. These onion rings gave me 1 full cup of veggies.

For the meatloaf, I used a recipe from my brand new cookbook my dad and step-mom gave me for Christmas: Taste of Home Comfort Food Diet Cookbook: Lose Weight with 433 Foods You Crave! The recipe added a ton of flavor to our meatloaf, cut out lots of fat, and maintained moisture, all while offering firm, savory, sweet, and individually sized portions of meatloaf. YUMMY!

Makeover Li’l Cheddar Meat Loaves

  • 2 egg whites, beaten (I used a whole egg instead)
  • 3/4 C fat-free milk
  • 3/4 C quick-cooking oats (crazy, right?!)
  • 1 C shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese (I just used my standard cheddar/jack and put in a little less)
  • 1 medium onion, chopped
  • 1 medium carrot, shredded (I used 3 because I love carrots)
  • 1/2 t salt
  • 3/4 lb lean ground beef (90% lean)
  • 2/3 C ketchup
  • 2 T brown sugar
  • 1 1/2 t prepared mustard

In a large bowl, whisk egg whites and milk. Stir in the cheese, oats, onion, carrot, and salt. Crumble beef over mixture and mix well. Shape into eight loaves and place on a sprayed cookie sheet.

With such a healthy, low-calorie, yet satisfying meal, I totally feel like supermom tonight. Gotta love when you score a win-win all the way around. (Enter big hero-sounding fan fare.)

In a small bowl, combine the ketchup, brown sugar, and mustard, then spoon mixture over the loaves. Bake, uncovered, at 350 for 25-30 minutes or until now pink remains.

Total calorie count for one loaf and 1/4 of the onion rings: 389 calories.

…AND I was completely full with just one serving of each dish.

…AND my husband said, (direct quote) “You are forbidden to make any other

meatloaf. This is phenomenal.”

…AND my kids asked for seconds.

…AND all of this counted for about 4 oz of protein for my day, 3 of my 5 veggie servings, 1 dairy, and 1 whole grain.

…AND we didn’t go out to eat, which saved us a few pretty pennies.

Mission accomplished. It’s a beautiful night.

Posted in Budget & Finance, Frugal Living, Health & Fitness, Nutrition, Recipes, Meal Planning, & Cooking Tips | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Posted on October 26, 2011 by Angela

Carolyn Hax, a columnist for The Washington Post, is my new favorite. I love her clever, real, and poignant answers.

This article NAILS parenting on the head.

Posted in Budget & Finance, Family Ties, Parenting, Personal Development, Social Engagements, Work-Life Balance | Leave a comment